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17-3-2009 Reality of Illusion
Why do we always cry when when we remember something aches or hurts? why do we always REMEMBER our sad events more than any moments? as we grow older we forget who we are, Always have a good intention about other people. Our closest persons are not even close enough to hear us. And we intend not to bother, for we can hear their answers in silence without talking. Saving time!!
Yesterday, it was the day that forces me to take out what’s in me. I’ve seen tear, a precious tears that define dignity!!! Which make me stop for a moment!. We become monsters, holding dirty thoughts on our shoulders. We are killers, eyes that fly like daggers, hearts that beat on stones.
I just had enough.
..... Thanx for reading Spooky 24-4-2008 REHAB
You couldn't feel the sunlight upon your face Post it Note: 8-3-2008 a Song6:56 AM
i just got into the office
i was in a terrible mood, dont want to metion the feeling i had yesterday
I've got an early call this morning, once i put my ass on the chair
it's an old voice, warm, and sound always caring.
never miss a day, but i missed those
life is not as always as we pictured??
we are the directors ! but no one noticed
and we keep blaming our selves,
why why why MEEEEEEEEEE
is this a test??
is God tested me, or he is punishing me!!!
when shall i take this mask of pretending, the mask that pleases the audience
i'm afraid that they wont like my reality
or shall i speak out the truth that is sickened me
everyday i see new things that build new cracks inside of me
all i need now is a smoke and blowing things away
i just lost my space !!
2-2-2008 unbarable HabbitI was there, sick and tired of people around me,
people who are just justifying their life according to other's.
it's really acward to live with people for a long perid of time and you are completely disconnected
you dont know nothing about them, or may be slighlty dropped little hi, with no intension in meaning it
sick of people who keeps lookin' in other's plate
and still hungery for tastin' that peice of cake
Do you think you'll walk away untasted??
people passin in our life and suddenly they are gone!
i'm sitting in a place that is a center of tropical storm.
i donu, anyone come in it, he's gone and be earesed as he wasnt there
but i'm still there, like a landmark, anyone passes i'm the their guid :/
it's a great thing once people seek for your help,
like you are the source of knowldge who knows everythin,the master mind, and can lead to the right direction
but it really becomes an annoying habbit,
and God it's irretating me without a price
where's my motivation, inspiration!!!
Why cant be me the real ME !!
i'm sick of this fake social life
People Satisfation comes first, the top priorty to reveal this unwanted Mask
Dream baby, ya, we'll make u whine over ur grave
Lies with sweet talk, good lookin Lizerds, beneath fansy dresses
Big smile, we garantee you the best
it's Suckin all my soul
How true, How sady true, and nothing dies slower or more painfully than a dream
and the MOST ..... we are suffering at the hands of someone we Loved and trusted
it's all a flux !!
ACCEPT THIS FUCKIN REALLITY !!
We cannot change who we are, until we Accept ourselves the way we are
WHY????
because ... hmmm, we dont see things as they are,
WE see things as we ARE !
>_< Godness :/
 ::: H.O.P.E :::
what we called, haah, hope, ya right!
it suppose to be, ummm means a candle lighting our way that maks us forget whatever we pay
leading' us to fear goal.
HOPE ..... is a candle which we NEVER bought
that makes the hardest thing seems soft !!
i'm not mad, dont ever think of that, i used to be an iceberg,
but i beleive only the top of it now, still floating in the ocean
 is that a Promise?!!
__Spooky__
18-12-2007 .
20-10-2007 IndependencyHiiiiii
it's been a time, and i must confess:
i missed this Space   “I fear being like everyone I hate,
I fear failure,
I fear losing control.
I love balancing between chaos and control with everything I do.
I always have a fear of going one way or another,
getting lost in something, or losing everything to get lost in.
And I fear being a completely acceptable sheep in society.”
Writin Note:
Fear Nothing ! 20-3-2007 Her Wings Damaged Beyond Repair i guess i'm in a mood to write some thoughts,
nothing personal, nothin in my life will be explicitly written here,
just thoughts and passion need to set freee,
so be patient with me ...
i am a loser seeking hope, i am a prisoner seeking release,
i am a coward seeking courage, i am a guilty seeking forgiveness.
but i am the aggrassive warden, whoes job is destroying my soul...
i am the greatest enemy of my own, killin every possible light in my life.
Freedom is just a magical potion barried inside our jammed brain.
we build these bars to be unseen.
i was there sittin in that corner, bending my head down, i felt my soul bounded by heavy chains, felt the pain in my face, felt the fear in my heart, and felt the waekness that runs into my viens. on these silent killing moments, there was a quiet whisper from some dark corners tellin:
"i can see every expression in your face, and hear every arrgument in your mind. i can feel your fear, your frustration, your desperation, i feel them see-saw between heaven and hell. when the world pulled you too far,
in the light of dawn, its deception is clearer than the sky.
Just Stop running desperately towards a sickeningly dry mirage. the world is nothing but a test,
that desires disapear like a rainbow, and the embrace of death will surely come, wheather you welcome it or not.
but a heart covered by rust only hardens when it hears the truth, so the man turns away from the truth and flees to illusions he holds so dear."
I was listening to this awakening voice, tears and agony that what i can recall. and i murmured: but you dont know me!!! “There will come that day when you will see evil as good, and good as evil.” There will come that day when truth loses all meaning, and becomes a ball that is thrown from the
hands of one oppressor to the next, each moulding it to their own best interests.
Did you not know that i would have to stop running one day??
Did you not know that the path of cowards always ended?? Did you not know that the words i spoke would have to paint my destiny? Did you not know that the dreams i had would have to be bought with sacrifice?? Spooky
Writin Note: Dream was close enough to touch. 8-3-2007 Kindness that Makes the Devil CriesAnother Weekend
is it a coincidence or what!? or just a dramatic irony last year at the same time, i've wrote some highlights !
HIGHLIGHTS
Writin Note:
Sell My Soul For Anything, Anything But You! 28-2-2007 02.07.07
31-12-2006 Melancholy Requiem Freakin Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
what's the matter with this Cold this year >_< i cant feel my hands anymore
defenitly if i injured myself i wont feel a tick, what a bless, at the end of the season
i'll be like a frozen chicken,
 Ok, i thought that i might enjoy my Time watchin and critisitZZin movies, this is the
best i can do heheee CRiTiSiZinG is the word that's why i always get A in this course!
but i'v changed the plan
أوفر تاااااااكاااتي لبعدين
 People keep askin me and wonderin who is Sam Fisher??
that's my new date LOOLzz .. the most hardcore man and the most sarcastic one
these kinda character most wanted dead or alive
any way i'm just killin time with him, nothin more, it wasn as i axpected
i was talkin with a friend about Akira Yamaoka, the most creative composer i've ever seen
he is really a pure artest, he is the best without him nothing can be done so perfectly.
with all the respect, you can inter into differnt world, and b trapped there forever.
just like huntin' moments dove you deep inside!
 i'm just updatin these days cuz i'm in a hellish mood, i missed my old writin, i'm takin advantages!
a hellish mood with poisoned emotions i get lost within myself, drinkin more and more from this delicious, devilish poison, mkaes me impower all my senses, and just wait to be unleashed, just like when you r lost divin inside ur emotions lookin for fake answers to drew a smile upon ur face,
but i'm not ready yet to attack!! my soul got much poison, cant be healed now
cuz i'm enjoyin being self Poisoned.
 Her cheecks flamed, she pulled the fabric forward over thw hook until the hook slipped and let it go,
she didnt dare and was shocked at her impulse, for she wanted suddenly to touch.........
it's great illusion no one ever knows, when you think you are really alone
Feel the eyes of someone lookin in on you
Writin Note:
Nothin' For Nothin' 26-12-2006 Go Fu<kin CraZyMy Mood is Fuckin Great these days
 some kindda to be kicked outta the house if i didnt control this mood
loooooolz
ANY HOW !!
People Demands !! I UPDATE
 ok .. let's see ..
Why do i ever get sleepy when i eat Chocolate?!
esp in through the meltin' process i start to ZZzz .. but not during the workin hours!
i really became an addict to Chocolate
 ! i have to watch my weight or i 'll be sweeter than my blood XDMuaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah
Cant resist that!! And it's a LONG winter
''Lickin Fingers, one by one''
 يامرحبا بتس يابعد رووووووحي
الزين عندتس كاااملن وصفه
فوحي يا ريحه العطر فووووووووحي
 تيب .. بما انه الدنيا مجنونه عندي .. من قبل فتره نزلو اخوانا الاتراك فلم
BORAT
والله انهم ناس ممتازين منجد المهم بورااااااااات اللي من شفته تقريبا من شهر وشي و انا كل ما اتذكره اضحك ولاأحد يسألني ليش
لانه مو اي شي انا يعجبني بيعجب غيري ... اهم شي اللي معاي طول الخط و هو شخص واحد فقــــــــــــــــــط
الصنااااحه الصنااااحه مو كل تووويل يوعتبر هبـيــــل خخخخخخخ
يعني تقريبا نفس الستايل فأنا مايهمني الناس التانيه صراحتون لانهم نكديييييين
موضوعنا مسيو بورات و زميله آآآآآآآآزاااامات
خخخخخخخخخخخ
بورات هو نفسه علي جي اللي له شوو معروف اسمه
Ali G in Da House !
 خخخخخخخخخخخ اللي تحت ده بورات .. أحد يصدق انهم شخص واحد You teach how to speak like you ! LOOLzz
 انا ما انصح فيه احد نكدي يشوووفه
 .. خلوكم على افلام الاغشششششن الخوزعبليه  ازين لكمانا كان بودي احط صووور بس وقت تاااني .. موودي ما يسمح الحين
اوتسيه بما انه العيد قرب و كل سنه و انتم تيييــبين و مياو يااااااااااااااو على قوله الصقر اللي عندي
واحلا الشي برد الشرقيه برد خيالي .. بس اكرهه شي الصباح لما الواحد يكون متكرفس داخل البطانيه و بين طياتها الحنونه و يجي وقت الاعدام و درجه الحراره 5 .. والله حرام ليش ما يخلونا نداوم الظهر تيب .. ايفففف  What's up with it Vanilla face !!
Dont ask Questions ... 2006 is Ending soon, and happy new year,
hope the next year will be full of surprises, i do like that
though 2006 gone with the wind, and what have we done so far !??
did we grow older or younger? did we learn something from our past!?
we can change ourselves, but beware of every step u attempt, it might b ur last step backwards, and u cant undo what'v done.
go forward and stop the blame game.
Fear isnt caused by approachin trails, but by weakness of the mind!
if you have a sharp thinkin, ur soul is amuned!
go beyond your limits with open mind.
 My Lord, almighty,
grant us good in this world & good in the life to come & keep us
safe from the torment of Fire.
 Naughty Naughty Moiiiii
Writin note:
you have two to chose! 23-12-2006 I'v lost Confiedence with myself Star
If You are
A love compassionate,
You will walk with us this year.
We face a glacial distance, who are here
Huddld
At your feet.
 Forever my world Black Pearl Gather all that's left Place my fears up on this shelf Now I feel alive As I'm no longer by myself Writin Note:
Status: aaaaaaaaway 21-12-2006 Aint No Longer The Queen and why pretend? But lunch tomorrow? No? and then it’s Sunday, coffee, the Times, a slow so well we don’t turn the page, or look below But one night, through the latticed window, snow that night, and when we close the curtains, oh,  I'm feelin kinda in crazy mood these days
Tons and Tons of things to do at work, and still gotta breath
Strugle to survive
Most of my plans ruined !
i suppose to flew to Istanpol this 3id but after all the confirmations
i've changed my mind for some priority reasons !!
December, i do really hate this month,
Some people still chasin me all the time, and the simple word wont be enough!
I NEED A REST FROM WHO I AM
 uhhh, 2006 Thinking what i've done so far in this year
3 years of service in the Combany, i guess i need another year or tow
and then i'll set new bloody plan, completly diffrent !
5 years would be enough for me.
Lately, i'm getting tired of everyone around me,
once you give em your soul, they throw you with rocks
i guess it's true,
 it's a disease, spreadin among the sailors, they keep searchin for the apple to cure!!
Though i'm gettin busy every day, but i'm not enjoyin it, i must admit it
bittin my lip, "every start has an end!"
My life gettin colder than any time,
burnin more candels to break up the ice
I'v got sick for couble of weeks,
& there aint no blanket that can hide this cold that i'm feelin
Donu what's might be new and old
So Long
 Writin Note:
Till my last beat Stops 14-12-2006 Welcome To HellIt's me again updatin my diary home again and again
Well, it was a time that i thought .....umm
forget it about it, never mind
 The choices you make and the choices that are
Heaven so close and heaven so far Ashes fly, ashes burn Sun is black, ain't no return
Over and over and only to learn It's all dust on dust
It's all you and me I've got to pity your pain Just shovel some more dirt on the grave Writin Note: We love in vain narcissistic and so shallow 18-11-2006 18th of November ..::Another Birthday::.. ==============
Writin Note:
I wish i was never been born! 19-10-2006 Chasing InvisibilityFew mintues before turnin' out the light.
all the possible light in that room will be devoured by darkness
Loneliness is the human condition, no one is ever going to fill that space
refusin to recall anythin but it's seems like an endless dream
Evil is tricky, just when u think "What it is?" it changes its form
learning its nature takes a lifetime study
time is so crule, it'll take time regain my strength & b able to stand up on my feet
one more time, Such a cruel contradiction
the best part of me is well-hidden, tryin not to forget who i'am
rememeber it all, every insult, every tear, every love, every laugh
 I feel like there is no need for conversation
Some questions are better left without a reason And I would rather reveal myself than my situation Now and then I consider, my hesitation The more the light shines through me I pretend to close my eyes The more the dark consumes me I pretend I'm burning, burning bright I wonder if the things I did were just to be different To spare myself of the constant shame of my existence And I would surely redeem myself in my desperation Here and now I'll express, my situation untill that day when my soul been healed completly, i'll leave in peace
Thanx for passin by
Spooky
Writin Note: 16-10-2006 4ever asleepBlack is the NIGHT, When there ISNT a star
& you CANT tell by lookin' where you are
& when you face the Sun,
The shadows always fall behind you
But!
Black is a Feeeeeling !!
Hard to Explain
Like Suffering,
but, Without Feelin the pain
it's the Beauty in its DEEPEST clouds in a Thunderstorm
this is the irony of the life
Endin my lines with Blake's words:
He who blinds to himself a joy Does the winged life Destroy
but he who kisses the Joy as it flies
Live in Eternity's Sunrise.
Writin Note:
Feel the magic -feel it dancing in the air But it's fear - and you'll hear It calling you beware 26-9-2006 Je Dois PartirWell here we Go ..
Test .. Test .. 1 2 3 Can u hear me, Yo !! can u hear my voice
Ya, this is the captin speakin from the next room, please dearoo make for my
highness a cold glass of that red juicy thing, that i like, ya i prefere it in a chalice if u dont mind.
Hurry before i cut ur connection !
Noooo Please Dont Cutttttttttttttttt me, Pleeeeeeeeeease !
ya that sounds like a Hard Candy thing, u bet!
any how, make it Large and Icy,
waitin' for my order on fire.
 Blaahh Blaah
i mean what makes our time differ IN between months !!
it's Ramadan, and i dont feel any changes around me.
everything still the same .. i returned to work, supposedly to start working with new spirit, yeah may be!
spendin most of the time thinkin', tryin to accomplish a tiny thing
Sometimes i feeeeeel like a Frozen Stone,
i stopped updatin my space and i'm not in a mood for anything in life.
My life passed before my eyes, and i dont remember what i did in my last four hours.  Heyaa, u r BAAAAAAAAAAAACK,
u've missed u millions
U #@$!%% why dont u call me, WHY ?? ok i'm comin.
Suck u, Suck U !! XXX
XOXOXOXOXXXXOXOOOOOOXOXOXOXOXOOXOX
some just smilin, with somethin in their bloody mind, and i can read their thoughts!
dont ever play smart on me .. u cant reach me, remember that !
Do i have to pretend that i'm really happy to be back, drawin a smile showin how intimate i am . .
well may b people really missed me, but i hope that they do remember that i'm not
gonna save the world ! hhahahahaaa
I reached a point in my life where nothing seems to be good enough to satisfy me.
i thank God that i'm not like other naive gurls, i dont care how much u wonder about me!
Angel
When I close my eyes I hear your velvet wings and cry
I'm waiting here with open arms - oh can't you see Angel shine your light on me Put sad wings around me now
take me far away Put sad wings around me now So that we can rise again Writin Note:
yea, good things worth waitin for! |
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